


Terra Incognita

by pickledbrows



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Multi, Platonic Kissing, Polyamory, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 16:52:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8631508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pickledbrows/pseuds/pickledbrows
Summary: Unknown territory, unexplored land.Yuuri wouldn't dare go far into his feelings about a former roommate when he's already in a committed relationship with someone else. So what if he might've felt something for Phichit? Those feelings need to go. It isn't normal to fall in love with two people at the same time.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I have legit never written a fic this long in one go. Hoo boy. Usually my chapter are less than half the length of this thing. Pardon me if I get a little lost in my own plot. I have no idea when this fic happens. Sometime between ep 7 and ep 12?
> 
> Here's the polyamory YuuChu and Victuuri fic nobody asked for. Some of the past events I mentioned here were also mentioned in a Tumblr post of mine about Phichit and Yuuri headcanons.
> 
> Also, are they ooc? please tell me if they are. I tried so hard to give Yuuri confidence but still keep some of the old Yuuri.
> 
> Like I said in my Yuuri and Phichit friendship fic: Do I think there was romance between them at some point? No. This fic is a "but what if?"
> 
> Enjoy and please drop a comment!

It started innocently enough, with Viktor’s arms around Yuuri’s waist and his chin on his shoulder as he watched Yuuri scroll through an app. Every few seconds, Viktor would reach up to double tap the screen over a photo and Yuuri would grumble and tell him to use his own account.

When Yuuri came across a row of pictures from Phichit, Viktor took hold of his wrist and brought the phone closer to his face.

“It’s your Thai boyfriend!” he exclaimed.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Yuuri groaned and wrestled the phone away.

Viktor pressed a kiss to his neck and settled his cheek on Yuuri’s shoulder, humming openly in thought. His arms tightened their hold and Yuuri relaxed against him while typing up a comment on a picture of Phichit eating an extra-large sundae. He was envious of Phichit’s ability to eat as much sugar as he wanted without worrying about weight.

“Would you like him to be your boyfriend?” Viktor asked, voice low in his ear.

“Are you okay being dumped for a younger man?” Yuuri teased, though his voice was strained. This wasn’t the first time Viktor had made this joke, and the thoughts that rushed through Yuuri’s mind due to the subject were unnerving. They’d talked about possible feelings he might’ve felt for Phichit at any point between their first meeting and now, but Yuuri had always been quick to drop the conversation before it ran too deep.

Viktor whined and squeezed him even tighter and Yuuri squealed in pain. He tried to move away but the attempt was half-hearted because he’d already made himself comfortable on the small couch in Viktor’s room. If anything, he could just kick his lover out. Coach or not, this was Yuuri’s home and Viktor was a sucker when it came to guilt trips.

Yuuri attempted to get into the lightheartedness of the joke but he didn’t feel like playing around with the subject anymore. If Viktor was bringing it up again, then Yuuri guessed he thought about it more often than he should’ve. It was strange.

“You don’t have to leave me. I wouldn’t mind if you had a boyfriend,” Viktor said with sincerity riding his voice.

Yuuri pulled away from him, clutching his phone with a close-up of Phichit’s face on the screen to his chest.

“That’s weird,” he murmured and glanced down at the device in his hands and the bright smile on his friend’s face, “It’s not funny so don’t joke around like this.”

He stood up and padded out of the room, heading to his own. His chest felt tight and he threw his phone onto his mattress, ignoring Viktor’s footsteps as they neared and stopped behind him.

“Yuuri, I’m not joking,” Viktor soothed and wrapped Yuuri up in a hug, gentler than the one they’d shared seconds before. He turned Yuuri around and cupped his chin so he could tilt his head up and softly kiss his lips. “I’m not so selfish to be blind to your feelings. I know you care a lot for him.”

“You wouldn’t be selfish for wanting me to stay,” Yuuri said and paused when his voice cracked, “I’m the selfish one because I want more.”

He fought down the tension in his throat and reached up to cover his face with a hand as the tears started to gather. He’d never had to say the words aloud but the thought had been there, tucked away in the memories of a time that now seemed too far to recollect.

Viktor wrapped his arms more tightly around him, pressing Yuuri’s thankfully dry cheeks to his shirt, and Yuuri felt the clash of various emotions. He hadn’t fallen in love with Phichit when they were roommates, but there had always been something about the younger skater that piqued Yuuri’s curiosity. He enjoyed Phichit’s company, remembered their one and only kiss with fondness, and when Viktor came into his life and their relationship began, Yuuri never once thought to give a name to what he’d had with Phichit. Not until they met again in Beijing.

“It’s not about being selfish,” Viktor said and guided them both to sit on the edge of Yuuri’s bed, “It’s natural to love more than one person.”

“Not like this,” Yuuri whispered through gritted teeth as he tried to hold back another wave of tears, “It’s not normal to love more than one person like this.”

His face felt hot and he got up to grab the box of tissues sitting on his desk. He wasn’t crying yet but he needed to do something, needed to prepare himself for any possibility. He hated that his emotions always went haywire and he still hadn’t figured out a way to rein them in with the snap of his fingers.

Viktor sat quietly on the bed, watching Yuuri as he held tightly to his tissues and began to pace. When he managed to restrain his tear ducts and his heart was under his control again, he set the box onto the desk and walked over to stand before Viktor. His boyfriend cooed softly at him before pulling him down to sit at his side and slipping an arm around his waist.

“Don’t you think a lot of what we do isn’t considered normal?” Viktor questioned and chuckled when Yuuri hid his face against one shoulder, “Just think of it as another part of your love.”

“You always say how normal we are though,” Yuuri argued, voice muffled against Viktor’s shirt. He sniffled and sat up straight, running a hand through his hair and sighing when Viktor pulled him close and planted a kiss to his temple.

“Well, I’m not talking about us being men. I’m talking about what you did last night—ouch! Yuuri!”

Viktor rubbed the part of his stomach Yuuri had pinched and couldn’t help but crack a smile when he saw the budding amusement Yuuri was trying desperately to hide behind an annoyed scowl.

“See, there you go! You really love being rough!” Viktor said and laughed when he caught Yuuri’s hands as he tried another attack.

After a bit of a tousle that ended up a full-blown tickle battle, Yuuri felt his earlier distress lessening. He settled down into a collected lull while his troubles hid amongst the leftover beliefs and stigmas that Viktor’s love had yet to erase. He knew he’d have to face them again, but he wasn’t ready.

During dinner, his mother teased him about being so loud with Viktor earlier in the afternoon.

“You really do take after your father,” she said with a blush and Yuuri tried not to choke on a piece of broccoli.

“Mom, please do not go there!” Mari cried, face outwardly displaying disgust.

She poured Viktor another glass of beer before taking away the bottle he and her father had finished. Toshiya was laughing to himself as Hiroko reached over to dab at his chin and both the Katsuki children were trying their best to ignore their flirtatious parents. They didn’t usually act like this when guests were around but Viktor was basically family at this point, so they didn’t feel a need to show discretion.

“What were you two up to anyway?” Hiroko pressed as she took a seat beside Viktor.

“Just a bit of wrestling. Yuuri is much stronger than he looks,” Viktor replied with a wink and Yuuri inwardly screamed. He hated that his mother and his boyfriend got along on these kinds of terms.

“That part comes from his mother,” Toshiya cut in and sipped at his glass of beer, “She always knew how to hold me down!”

“Can you two please stop?” Mari shrieked from the hallway.

Her parents echoed one another’s laughter as they continued to jest and Mari shot Yuuri a sympathetic look. There was a reason she hardly had dinner with her family anymore and she knew Yuuri wanted to escape just as badly as she could. Viktor preferred having all the family together though and when he had Hiroko’s persuasion on his side, Yuuri just couldn’t say no.

He poked at a piece of cabbage in his bowl before picking it up with his chopsticks, and it promptly slipped out when his phone atop the table began to buzz. He glanced at the screen, eyes widening at the caller.

“Yuuri! No phones at the table,” his mother chided but Yuuri ignored her and picked it up, quickly excusing himself before exiting with the device in one hand.

He slid his finger over the screen as he hurried down the hallway back to his room and he couldn’t help but smile when a familiar face greeted him.

“Phichit, hi!” he said as he stepped into his room and flipped on the lights. He slid the door behind him and went to his desk, propping the phone sideways on a little stand and taking a seat in front of it, “What’s up?”

“Yuuri! Long time no chat!” Phichit said and Yuuri was warmed by the tone of his voice, “I’m not bothering you, am I?”

“You saved me from another awkward dinner actually,” Yuuri said and they both laughed. Phichit knew from stories how cozy the Katsukis could get.

“I’m glad your parents are so open with you and Viktor,” Phichit said and Yuuri groaned. Open was one way to put it.

“I’m happy they like him but somehow I ended up being the target of their jokes,” he whined and slumped. He crossed his legs on his chair and slowly spun from side-to-side.

“They sound fun. I’d like to meet them,” Phichit said fondly. When he smiled, Yuuri felt the awakening of his earlier dilemma that Viktor’s comment had brought to light.

“You should visit sometime,” he blurted out and one of his legs began to shake, a sign of his growing nervousness.

“Actually, about that…”

Phichit looked off to the side and Yuuri realized that his friend wasn’t at the rink or in a locker room. He was in a narrow space with a harsh yellow light and a plain, beige wall behind him. His shirt wasn’t the type for training, but instead it was a more casual, collared button-up that was completely open in the front.

“Where are you?” Yuuri asked and Phichit ignored him, concentrating on something off-screen. When he turned to look at Yuuri again, his smile wavered, like he was forcing it to stay.

“I’m just, um, hey, can you do me a favor?” Phichit asked, bringing the phone a little closer.

Yuuri nodded, feeling alarmed at how troubled his friend looked and sounded.

“It’s nothing serious, don’t make that face,” Phichit reassured him with a chuckle, “I was just wondering if I could visit for a bit.”

“H-here? Hasetsu? Japan? My place?” Yuuri asked and when Phichit gave several nods, he looked at the clock on his desk, as if that would give him an answer, “Isn’t it a bit, um, far? What will Celestino say?”

Phichit shrugged and looked away again, eyes narrowing in thought.

“Phichit, what’s wrong?” Yuuri asked in a smaller voice and Phichit offered him another smile, but it was the weakest one Yuuri had ever witnessed from his former roommate.

“It’ll just be for a few days. Please, Yuuri? Unless you and Viktor are busy…”

Yuuri felt his heart jump at the mention of his boyfriend’s name. Would Viktor mind if Phichit visited them here in Japan? It was Yuuri’s house, but it would seem suspicious if the person he might have romantic feelings for dropped by right after his discussion of these problematic feelings with the person he was actually dating.

“I’m sure it’ll be okay to take a break,” Yuuri said and when Phichit sighed in relief, he felt his own body relax as well. It would be okay, it’d all be okay.

“Great! Well, I need to go,” Phichit said in a hurry, “I’ve been holding up the bathroom for too long.”

Yuuri blinked. “What? Where are you?”

“Airport,” Phichit said with a grin, “Anyway, I’ll do some research on how to get to your place once I touch down in Fukuoka. It’s Fukuoka, right?”

“What!?” Yuuri shrieked, jumping in his chair, “Phichit, what the—What!? Wait, wait!”

“See you, Yuuri! I hope the airport has wi-fi so I can call you again when I arrive—ah! Someone’s knocking, gotta go!”

Phichit hung up while Yuuri fought down a scream, and try as he might, his call wouldn’t go through when he redialed. He sat staring numbly at the display of Phichit’s contact information on his phone and he glanced at the time in the upper right corner, quickly opening a browser window so he could estimate just how long it would take for his friend to arrive in Fukuoka.

He couldn’t believe how easy it was for some people to just jump from one country to the next. He wondered if he’d ever get the chance to make such a spontaneous trip.

Phichit arrived in the early morning before the trains were running and called Yuuri from a bathroom stall in the quiet airport of Fukuoka. While trying to dress himself with one hand, Yuuri got his friend’s flight information and told him to stay at the arrivals area. He hung up and dialed Takeshi’s number after buttoning his pants.

The Nishigoris had a van mainly used for long family trips and emergencies, and after a panicking Yuuri asked to use it late last night, they’d readily agreed. Yuuri couldn’t drive though and he’d offered money to his friends for the inconvenience, but it seemed Takeshi was an early riser and willing to drive the hour to pick up another famous skater. He seemed quite excited to be the chauffeur of Phichit Chulanont.

They arrived at the airport at a time when the first train would’ve already been gone, but Yuuri didn’t feel like it’d be right to leave his friend to navigate public transportation on his own. Viktor, who’d been more than happy to tag along, teased him about worrying too much because he’d managed to get to Hasetsu on his own, and Yuuri told him that if he’d been notified ahead of time, he would’ve come for Viktor, too.

Phichit was standing outside the arrivals area for Thai Airways and when the van stopped right in front of him, he waved and smiled when Yuuri popped out and ran to his side.

“Yuuri!” Phichit cried and took hold of Yuuri’s hands. A few people stopped to watch but Yuuri was too shocked at the fact that his friend was here in Japan, standing right in front of him, to care.

“You are crazy,” he said without a hint of irritation and turned to open the back door.

He blinked in surprise to find that Viktor had gotten out and moved to the front seat and shot the other man a confused look. Viktor only winked at him before turning back around and Yuuri felt his mouth go dry when he realized what was happening. His body started to tense as he picked up Phichit’s carry-on bag and motioned for his friend to get into the car. When he settled the large backpack on the seat between them, Phichit whined about the distance and immediately traded places with his belongings. He leaned against Yuuri’s arm and greeted Takeshi warmly, thanking him for the ride.

“My kids are big fans,” Takeshi said, eyes twinkling with excitement, “Actually, the whole family is! Welcome to Japan!”

“Thank you! I’d like to meet them!” Phichit said and leaned forward to address Viktor, “Sorry for imposing!”

Viktor turned again to smile at him. “No worries! We all need breaks now and then!”

They struck up a conversation about skating practice on the drive to Hasetsu and Yuuri couldn’t find a way to contribute. He was too preoccupied with memories of yesterday’s conversation with Viktor as well as the warmth of Phichit pressing softly against his side. Sometime during the trip, Phichit’s arm linked with his and his hand settled itself on Yuuri’s leg, and Yuuri couldn’t find a reason to move it or even summon the desire to have it moved.

It was a bright day upon the return to Hasetsu and when Takeshi dropped them off at the entrance to the inn, Yuuri thanked him a hundred more times, asking him to bring Yuko and the kids over later. Takeshi rushed home to see his daughters before they left for school and Yuuri turned around, rushing inside when he realized Viktor and Phichit had gone ahead of him.

His mother was gushing loudly over the newest arrival, chattering away in broken English with him about his flight and whether he wanted to eat or rest.

“I’ve already put new sheets on Yuuri’s bed for you!” she exclaimed and Yuuri’s mouth fell open.

“Where am I supposed to sleep?” he said and his sister, who’d come to take Phichit’s bag, shot him a quizzical look.

“Obviously with Viktor?” she said, smirking with delight when Yuuri froze and blushed.

“Oh, Yuuri! It’s the twenty-first century! It’s okay to be together before marriage,” Hiroko said and Toshiya popped his head through the front desk window to agree whole-heartedly with his wife.

“Mother!” Yuuri lamented and toed his shoes off, pushing Phichit and Viktor ahead of him down the hallway to escape any more embarrassment from his parents.

Makkachin dashed out of Viktor’s room, excitedly jumped around upon reuniting, and panted happily when Viktor knelt and offered a hug. Upon seeing the dog, Phichit cried out in joy.

“Cute! This is the puppy!” he said and bent down to pat Makkachin on the head.

“He’s far from being a puppy,” Yuuri said and watched as Viktor ushered his beloved pet back into his bedroom, “Anyway, do you want to have breakfast or do you want to sleep more? My room is right there.”

“I just ate on the plane and I slept the whole time, so I’m okay,” Phichit said and continued down the hall.

The door to Yuuri’s room was open and Phichit peeked inside, complimenting Yuuri on the cleanliness and the bits of décor. Yuuri still couldn’t believe that his parents had decided he’d be sleeping with Viktor. It wasn’t a secret in the family that they were dating, but Yuuri only spent the night in his boyfriend’s room every now and then. He was a night owl and didn’t want to disturb Viktor with the bright screen of his phone or laptop as he watched a movie or listened to music, and it was more common for a half-asleep Viktor to come into his room in the middle of the night and join him on his cramped bed.

Yuuri had been prepared to set up a futon on the floor of his room, but as he watched Phichit standing in his private space, a place that only family members and the closest of friends had entered, he decided that it was best that they wouldn’t be sleeping together. He missed their time as roommates but he didn’t miss it enough to put them in a compromising situation.

“Yuuri, let’s have breakfast!” Viktor chimed in from behind, startling Yuuri from his thoughts.

He quickly turned away from watching Phichit dig around through the bag Mari had dropped off on the bed and didn’t miss the impish smile on Viktor’s face. He frowned when he realized his boyfriend was probably ten steps ahead in a plan that Yuuri hadn’t been aware was already in motion. Viktor had been watching him as he watched Phichit. Viktor knew about his feelings for Phichit.

“Viktor…” Yuuri warned in a low voice and glanced over to his friend, “If you don’t want to sleep, you can at least have some juice.”

“Sounds great,” Phichit said as he hooked up his phone to a charger and connected it to an outlet adapter.

Yuuri showed him where he could plug it in and afterwards, the three of them made their way back down the hallway and to the private dining area where the family liked to eat when inn guests were around. Yuuri tried to ignore when Viktor took his hand and nudged him closer and closer to Phichit’s side. He knew this trip would probably not be the best for his mental and emotional health.

It was Viktor who suggested they take Phichit to see Hasetsu castle after breakfast, and Phichit had excitedly run to get his phone, hoping it was fully charged so he could take plenty of pictures. When he came back to the front entrance where Viktor and Yuuri were waiting, he was typing away, brows knit together in concentration and lips set in a frown.

“Ciao Ciao is going to be mad,” he said with a chuckle and on cue, his phone began to ring. He excused himself and went ahead outside, greeting his coach happily when he answered the call. Yuuri was certain he could hear Celestino screaming on the other end.

“It’s so nostalgic,” Viktor said and Yuuri nudged him with an elbow, “It’s true! You know I miss Yakov!”

“I still can’t believe this is happening,” Yuuri murmured as he took a seat at the entrance and slid his shoes on. While lacing them up, he listened through the open doorway as Phichit tried to offer relief to their coach who was probably panicking and ready to fly over to Japan and get his star skater back. Yuuri hoped he wouldn’t. He was done with surprise visits for the year.

“It’ll be fun and you’ll be fine,” Viktor reassured him, placing a hand on his shoulder, but Yuuri shrugged it off.

He was starting to get irritated that Viktor could act so nonchalant when he knew exactly why Yuuri was feeling so nervous. Viktor knew about his feelings for Phichit and he was just going along with it, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. It had only been a day since Yuuri was on the brink of tears after confessing his confusing feelings toward his friend, and he hadn’t stopped thinking about it since. He was angry at himself for even imagining he could be with someone else other than Viktor while still dating him, and he was angry at Viktor who seemed intent on pushing the unacceptable relationship forward.

When Yuuri stood up and made his way outside, he ignored Viktor calling after him and went straight to Phichit’s side. His friend was finished with his call and standing at the front gate of the inn, taking pictures of the building.

“Yuuri, pose!” Phichit called out and Yuuri froze, arms awkwardly flailing as he tried to figure out what to do with them. Phichit chuckled as he took several shots and Yuuri knew they’d be uploaded before he had a chance to protest.

“What did Celestino say?” he asked. Viktor was walking over to where they were and Yuuri turned his back to him.

“The usual. I told him I’d be back in a couple of days and just needed a moment to myself,” Phichit said, eyes never leaving the screen of his phone as he tapped at it, “I told him I’d get some tips from you and Viktor and that made him happy enough.”

Yuuri felt Viktor’s presence beside him but he wouldn’t look up. He was still frustrated.

“Maybe you should show him the castle, Yuuri. Just you two,” Viktor suggested.

The comment was enough to get a reaction out of Yuuri. His eyes widened as he stared in disbelief at his boyfriend and he mouthed the word _no_ several times. Viktor shrugged helplessly and Yuuri was puzzled to see hurt in his eyes.

“It’ll be fun with the three of us though,” Phichit chimed in, not sensing the tension between the couple, “You should take the puppy along!”

“Makkachin needs to rest. He’s getting old,” Viktor said and stepped back, ready to head indoors, “I should probably stay with him.”

Yuuri instinctively reached for him, catching hold of his wrist, and he released it instantly when he realized how desperate the act might’ve looked. With his eyes, he told Viktor that he needed him there, that he couldn’t do this alone, that he was sorry for the way he’d been acting. Of course, Viktor understood, and when Phichit begged him to come along, Viktor pretended to give in to his words.

“Okay, well, we better pass by that bakery I like on the way there,” he said and returned to his place by Yuuri’s side, “Phichit needs to try the chocolate cornets.”

Phichit took a dozen photos of all three of them with the early morning treats and Yuuri bought a variety of baked bread for them to snack on during their walk around the castle and wherever else Phichit wanted to go. He tried to remind himself that being upset at Viktor wouldn’t make the situation with Phichit any better and if he was going to get through the next few days without messing up his friendship, then he was going to need Viktor’s support.

When they arrived at the base of Hasetsu castle, they sat on the bench that Yuuri often used for leg strengthening and Phichit walked around to take photos of the colorful autumn leaves. He ran off to take some shots of the castle itself and Yuuri took that moment of privacy to talk with Viktor.

“Please don’t push this,” he said, staring at the bag of bread on his lap. His nerves made him want to tear the plastic open and gobble down every crumb.

“Go at your pace,” Viktor assured him and gently laid his hand atop Yuuri’s, “I just don’t want you denying yourself anything.”

“Don’t you find it strange that you want your boyfriend to hook up with another guy?” Yuuri asked, feeling the frustration set in. His leg began to tremble and Viktor’s hand moved atop his thigh to stop it.

“I find it strange that my boyfriend doesn’t realize it’s normal to love more than one person in a lifetime,” Viktor countered, a smile tugging at his lips.

“It’s not supposed to happen simultaneously. Usually one person dies first or they break up or they divorce or—”

“You’d be surprised, Yuuri.”

When Yuuri looked over at Viktor, he felt his words catch in his throat at the pain he saw. There were still some things that he didn’t know about Viktor and this was one of those moments where he didn’t have the proper amount of courage or tact to ask. He heard Phichit calling to him and he set the bread aside so he could stand and go to him.

His friend wasn’t going to be happy until he could have every picture combination possible with the three of them and the castle looming above in the background. Without a hint of shyness, Phichit addressed one of the groundskeepers, pointing at his phone and saying picture over and over until the old man seemed to understand what he wanted. When Phichit was satisfied with his collection of memories, he hummed in delight and took a seat on the bench, taking out a pastry for himself and munching on it while editing and uploading his pictures.

Yuuri helped himself to a piece of bread with sausage and onion baked into it and he glanced over Phichit’s shoulder, watching as filters and decorative stickers were added to each photo. The atmosphere between them was light and cheerful thanks to the improvised photoshoot, so Yuuri thought he’d finally voice what he’d been dying to say since the conversation on the phone last night when Phichit was still in Bangkok.

“You seemed ready to come to Japan before calling me up,” he said in as nonchalant a manner as he could muster, “You were going to come here regardless of what I said, weren’t you?”

“You told me before that I could come anytime, and now’s a good time as any,” Phichit responded, tapping on the side of his phone as he waited for a photo to upload.

“Are you really just taking a break?” Yuuri ventured. He could feel the mood beginning to shift around them. On his other side, Viktor gently poked him with his elbow.

Phichit looked up at him, feigning shock. “Am I really bothering you?”

“No!” Yuuri quickly replied, holding both hands up, “It seems rushed but it also seems like you’d been planning this for a while. I mean, you were in the bathroom at the airport when you called me. It’s not really as spontaneous as some other people have been.”

Viktor shoved his elbow harder into Yuuri’s side at the comment and Yuuri shoved back with equal force. He took out a piece of sugary bread and shoved it in Viktor’s hands, a signal for him to hold back any protests he planned to voice.

As Phichit uploaded the last of the photos, he swallowed down his final bite of bread and turned to regard Yuuri with a look halfway playful, halfway pensive. It was an odd expression Yuuri had never seen before and he could tell a lot was on Phichit’s mind, though he didn’t know how exactly he could request to hear some of his thoughts.

“I just needed a break,” Phichit repeated. A smile bloomed again on his face and he jumped up, looking over at the river and the houses beyond, “Where else should we go?”

They ended up finishing all the bread and walked to one of the shopping arcades. A few people stopped to stare at the unique group, some commenting and even pointing when they recognized Yuuri and Viktor, but Phichit seemed immune to the curious glances. He took pictures of everything in sight and when he saw a sweater with a hamster on the front, he squealed and hurried over to find a size that fit him. Yuuri paid for it, a small gift for his friend’s safe arrival, and Phichit threw it on even though the weather was pleasant.

Yuuri’s mother called to ask if he was coming back for lunch and when Yuuri mentioned _katsudon_ , Phichit lit up. Viktor showed him a photo of what the inn’s special meal looked like and his excitement rose. They eagerly talked about the dish and moved on to international cuisines they’d tasted during their travels, and when the subject reached America, Yuuri felt compelled to join in.

“Did you know that Yuuri and I used to go clubbing?” Phichit asked Viktor and Yuuri heard the alarm bells going off.

“He doesn’t need to know!”

“He never told me!”

Phichit grinned wickedly and took out his phone and Yuuri tried to wrestle it out of his hands, knowing exactly what picture his friend wanted to show Viktor. Unfortunately, Viktor was strong enough to hold him back and Yuuri looked away in shame as Phichit displayed a photo of his dark past. The lighting was bad but it wasn’t that hard to make out the legs sticking upright from a sidewalk bush.

“He dove right in, headfirst!” Phichit exclaimed and Viktor took the phone from him to have a better look.

Yuuri groaned as they broke out into laughter. That was not the sort of night that needed to be remembered, not that he had any vague recollection of the event. All he knew was that Phichit had dragged him off to a gay club, saying it would be more fun than the normal clubs they went to, and when they’d gotten inside they’d met up with some American boys who immediately began hitting on them. Drinks were passed around, even if Phichit was underage and had Xs drawn onto the back of his hands to show it, and whatever happened after was lost in a drunken haze.

Thankfully, they’d woken up in their own apartment and not in bed with any of the boys they’d come across that night. Yuuri was grateful that some semblance of responsibility had remained sober during that time while the rest of him had decided to black out with the alcohol.

Yuuri felt the world tune out as he started to reminisce. He could no longer hear the conversation between Viktor and Phichit and his feet slowed down as he recalled the scene he’d woken up to after his one and only hard night of drinking.

That morning, he’d rolled over with hammers pounding inside his head. He’d brushed against something warm and when he’d opened his eyes and saw what was beside him, he flung himself so far backwards he fell right off the bed. Phichit’s bed. Phichit had woken then, groggy and saying he wanted to vomit. They were both naked but as Phichit made his way to the bathroom, it was only Yuuri who seemed to notice. He’d scrambled to pick up all his clothes that lay scattered around on the ground and he dashed to his side of the room, his own bed, his private space.

Neither of them mentioned the events from the previous night, nor their state of undress upon waking up that morning. Yuuri couldn’t help but think about it days later, what might’ve happened between them, whether they’d done anything other than sleep, and a few weeks later when Phichit kissed him for the first and only time, the confusing feelings slammed headfirst into him. Thanks to Viktor, those same feelings were back and strong as ever after a long hibernation.

“Yuuri?”

Yuuri returned to the present and ran to catch up with Phichit and Viktor who’d somehow walked further ahead of him.

“Are you sleepy?” Phichit teased.

“Sorry, just thinking. I’m super hungry,” Yuuri said and fell into conversation with Phichit about the other things they could do during his stay in Hasetsu.

Yuuri could feel Viktor’s eyes on him but he didn’t have the heart to look at him. Not with a cloud of distasteful emotions swirling around his heart or unwelcome memories resurfacing in his mind.

The katsudon his mother made was, as always, delicious, and Yuuri was glad that Viktor was allowing him to eat a bowl instead of the usual salad and salmon. Phichit ate quickly, throwing compliments at Hiroko while snapping before and after pictures of the meal. Mari took a liking to him and had her lunch break with them so she could sit at Phichit’s side and talk. She sipped at her drink, regretfully non-alcoholic since she still had more work to do later, and grew rather animated when she found they had similar music tastes and were fans of the same overseas bands.

“I learned something interesting while you were daydreaming earlier,” Viktor said quietly and Yuuri leaned closer, asking him to repeat what he’d said. When Viktor did, Yuuri’s head snapped to the side, his eyes enlarging and his mouth dropping open out of fear of what Phichit might’ve disclosed.

“What did he say?” he asked shakily and Viktor loudly excused himself before getting up from the table and stepping out of the room. Yuuri excused himself as well, glancing over at Phichit who was engrossed in conversation with his sister, before following.

“What is it?” Yuuri blurted out when they were far enough down the hall. Several guests from the main dining room broke into raucous laughter and he wondered if they should take the conversation somewhere more private.

“You two were a lot closer in Detroit than I was led to believe,” Viktor said, crossing his arms, but instead of anger on his face, there was amusement, “Mind telling me your side of the story?”

Yuuri felt his heart drop before it began to pick up in speed and his hands began to clench and unclench, fingernails digging into his palms.

“What did he tell you?” he asked again in a quivering voice as he remembered the warmth of Phichit’s naked skin.

Viktor put a finger on his chin, as if in deep thought, and when it tapped at the smirk on his lips, Yuuri knew he wouldn’t be getting an answer that he wanted.

“Probably something that is making you so jumpy all of a sudden, because now you’re thinking of it, too?”

Definitely not the kind of answer Yuuri was looking for. His thoughts raced and a mixture of guilt, confusion, and frustration welled up from somewhere deep in his chest. He didn’t have the strength to push any of it away, and he wasn’t sure if he could put in words what he thought Phichit might’ve told Viktor. What if Phichit hadn’t talked about that morning after the club or the kiss in Detroit? What if Viktor was just playing around with him to make him confess something shameful that he could poke fun at later?

“Don’t be like this,” Yuuri said, stumbling on each syllable, feeling his face grow hot when he felt a trap coming down over him, “What did he say?”

Silence fell between them and when Yuuri looked up at Viktor, the other man’s eyes were closed and his head was tilted to the side, a sign that he truly was getting lost in his speculations. Then, familiar blue eyes opened and Viktor reached out to put an arm around Yuuri and pull him into a hug. Yuuri fell forward against his chest, legs liquefying at the prospect of having to talk about a past he felt, if revealed, would change everything about their relationship.

He didn’t even know what had happened that night and Phichit had never mentioned it to him. It was their secret, a mystery they didn’t want to solve, and Yuuri wasn’t ready to dig it up and present it to someone he loved who could cast judgment on him and his bizarre, tainted emotions.

Maybe Phichit knew something about that night that he didn’t. Maybe Viktor had that knowledge as well and had already formed an opinion.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of,” Viktor murmured into his hair and planted a kiss above his ear, “Something’s bothering you and I need to know what it is or I can’t help.”

Yuuri breathed deeply, trying to relax before the words poured out unfiltered.

“You love him, right?” Viktor asked and pulled Yuuri closer when he whimpered, “I know you do and you know you do, and you should know that it’s fine with me if you do.”

“I don’t want this to be over,” Yuuri lamented, breath ragged as he felt his nose begin to run while his eyes watered.

“It won’t be over between us,” Viktor reassured him and pressed another kiss to Yuuri’s head before pulling away. He reached up to wipe at Yuuri’s cheeks, clicking his tongue when he caught a tear. “Don’t cry. It’ll be okay.”

“But what if he doesn’t feel this way?” Yuuri continued in a hoarse, cracking voice, “What if it’s over with him?”

“It won’t be. You’ll both be fine,” Viktor reiterated and wiped another tear away. He rocked Yuuri where they stood, hushing him when he began to sob and reassuring him that there would be nothing but love after his confession, and although Yuuri still had trouble believing his words, they did help him relax again.

He managed to hold back from completely drowning Viktor in his tears and went to the bathroom to wash his face while Viktor returned to the dining room. When Yuuri came back, he was surprised to find his sister clearing up the table. She glanced up at him in mild bewilderment, as if he should’ve been elsewhere but there.

“You just missed them,” she said and Yuuri turned and tore down the hallway, heading straight for his room.

Viktor was planning something.

He glanced through the open doorway to his lover’s bedroom as he passed and stopped mid-step, frozen by what he was witnessing. Phichit and Viktor sat on the couch, their hands resting on the other’s shoulder or thigh, their heads tilted with eyes closed, and their mouths pressed together in a soft kiss. Yuuri felt his stomach convulse and his heart rose in his tightening throat to sit atop his silenced tongue. Thousands of questions were shooting from one side of his brain to the next and he felt like he was going to shut down.

Viktor pulled away and glanced up while Phichit looked over his shoulder, and instead of being met with betraying malice, Yuuri saw acceptance from one and longing from the other.

“What are you two…” he trailed off, unsure of what he should’ve been asking after catching his lover and best friend, who he was also in love with, kissing.

Phichit straightened in his seat and patted the leftover space of the couch beside him. His eyes pleaded for Yuuri to do as he bid and Yuuri was not sure why he went and did it. Maybe it was because he knew he’d find answers. Maybe because running away would only give rise to more questions. Maybe it was the look of guilt in Phichit’s eyes that didn’t come from what he’d been caught doing, but from something deeply embedded in their pasts that brought them to this moment, in this room.

Yuuri sat when Phichit pulled him down and his eyes flew open, seeing nothing as a soft mouth settled against his. He jerked away, an arm flying up as if it would protect him from the incoming emotions, but Phichit’s hands quickly cupped both of his cheeks and his lower lip began to tremble. Yuuri had never seen him cry before and he was certain it was something he never wanted to witness.

“Do you love me?” Phichit asked, voice small and quivering with doubt, with the unknown, with maybes that could possibly turn into nevers.

Yuuri tried to look away, hating that every feeling, every terrifying possibility was confronting him right here, right now. It was too fast, he needed more time, the pieces were falling into the wrong spaces. He’d just talked about this with Viktor yesterday and Phichit had just arrived today. There were so many discussions that were still waiting to be opened and so many rules were being skipped.

When Phichit’s hands began to shake and his dark eyes gleamed with unfallen tears, Yuuri felt caught and he embraced his imprisonment. He saw the answer, he saw the final moment after several years of cultivation, and although he’d watched this trap from the time it was formed to the time it was laid out, he willingly walked into the enclosure.

“Yes.”

Yuuri’s eyes watered when Phichit’s thumbs gently brushed over his cheeks and his friend bowed his head, a guttural sob shaking his body. His hands dropped and Yuuri caught them and cradled them, reveling in the warmth and welcoming the curl of slender fingers as they enlaced with his own. He shakily brought one to his mouth and pressed a tender kiss to a knuckle, feeling the air stream out from his lungs at the contact.

“I do,” Yuuri said and swallowed the tremor of his beating heart, “I always did but I didn’t realize it.”

When Phichit sunk forward, Yuuri wrapped an arm around his shoulders and gently guided his cheek to rest on his shoulder. He saw that Viktor had put a hand up to alternate between rubbing and patting at Phichit’s back, and when their eyes met, Yuuri had to accept that what had been happening in the last twenty-four hours was a conclusion of the last few years.

“Hey,” he said softly and lay his head against Phichit’s while listening quietly to his sniffles, “Do you love me?”

The head beneath his nodded and Yuuri directed his friend to sit up again so he could wipe at the moisture on his cheeks. Phichit had his eyes closed, a lone tear clinging to his lashes, and Yuuri wiped it away before pressing their foreheads together. He rubbed the tips of their noses, breathed in deeply, and leaned in further to indulge in another kiss. It was softer than the one they’d shared earlier, a comfortable, flawless fit compared to the one they’d exchanged in their old room in Detroit. When Phichit pulled away and sniffled, Yuuri kept his eyes shut as his hands slipped down the other’s shoulders and arms to find his fingers once again. He didn’t have to ask to know how long Phichit had felt this way.

“What do we do?” Yuuri asked and opened his eyes to glance over Phichit’s shoulder at the other man in the room who’d silently sat back and rested his hands on his lap. The best Viktor could offer Yuuri was a shrug. It wasn’t really his place to decide, even though Yuuri had thought it might be. He knew better now.

Yuuri regarded the younger man sitting directly beside him and watched as his body settled down from his cathartic moment. His own heart had returned to its usual rhythm and the stack of questions from an hour before had faded away. He felt light, not because he was someone with all the answers in life, but because he’d decided that he didn’t need all the answers to live.

He watched as Phichit struggled to wipe at his nose with a sleeve and glanced around for a box of tissues. Every room in the inn had one and he spotted Viktor’s on one of the bedside tables, so he got up to get it. When Yuuri sat down on the couch again, he felt a flutter in his stomach when Phichit leaned against him. He helped to clean up the other’s face and tossed the used tissues into the nearby garbage can, setting the box on the floor beside his feet afterwards. Phichit took hold of one of his hands and laced their fingers.

“What do you want to do?” Yuuri finally asked him.

Phichit inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, staring down at his lap, his fingers caressing the hand he held between both of his own.

“I need to tell Seung-gil,” he said softly.

Silence befell the room.

“Wait, what? You mean the skater guy?” Yuuri said, glancing to Viktor for the punchline. Viktor seemed just as surprised as he did. “W-why would you need to—”

“I’m kind of here because of him,” Phichit said and looked up at Yuuri with a smile teasing the edges of his lips.

Yuuri gasped as other pieces of his demented puzzle fell into place.

“Are you two dating? And you, and I, I kissed you! And you’re dating and—”

A laugh from Phichit broke the building friction in the room and he threw himself against Yuuri, nuzzling against his neck and inhaling deeply.

“We’re kind of like you two,” Phichit said and motioned between Yuuri and Viktor, “Except Seung-gil is, well…”

Yuuri leaned over so he could see Phichit’s eyes as he tried to gauge where the joke was in all of this. His brain was hurting from all the twists and turns that the rollercoaster known as today had pulled his thoughts and emotions into. Phichit’s eyes were sparkling again from their usual mirth but he wasn’t playing around with anyone. He was being honest.

“Seung-gil was worried about me because I kept talking about you, and he said I loved you but,” Phichit paused and chewed on his bottom lip, “Even if I did, I couldn’t admit it. It would be selfish to go along with my feelings.”

The last few words fell into a whisper and as soon as Yuuri heard them, he glanced over at Viktor who shook his head with a mix of emotions ranging from disbelief to delight adhered to his face. Phichit looked like he was ready for another bout of tears so Yuuri squeezed his hand and planted a kiss to the top of his head.

“It’s not being selfish. We can’t help it if we love more than one person at the same time,” Yuuri said, sensing déjà vu, “It happens to a lot of people.”

“Not at the same time,” Phichit said.

Yuuri did his best not to look at Viktor. He was certain the older man would be shooting him a look that would let him know that, indeed, this conversation had happened between them earlier. With time, Yuuri knew that Phichit would come to accept his own form of unconventional love, and he had at least three other people who were willing to support him and show him that in the end, everything would be okay. Normal or not, life would work out.

With a sigh, Yuuri turned so he could settle back against the arm of the couch. He regarded his lover and his former roommate that could be more than a friend by the end of the night. His would-be lover if they ever got that far in their relationship.

“So, he’d be okay with this,” he asked, wanting to be sure that he wasn’t helping Phichit commit some type of infidelity. He didn’t want to ruin any relationships.

“He’s the one who bought me the ticket to come here,” Phichit said and looked up at Yuuri with a familiarly impish smile, “He was in the bathroom with me, making sure that I couldn’t leave before I spoke with you on the phone.”

“What!?”

Yuuri was floored. He felt like he needed to lie down and just sleep the rest of the year away. There were so many people coming in and out of his life and his town, and he felt like there were too many connections from one to the next for any of this to be an accident. Somebody had plotted something against him and it was all going according to plan.

“So, the kiss thing with you two?” Yuuri asked, motioning between Viktor and Phichit who simply exchanged a look.

“I just wanted to know what I’d missed,” Viktor said with a shrug, “Apparently, you two had a lot of fun during your time in America.”

Yuuri groaned and leaned far enough back for his head to hit the screen door.

“You did tell him about the kiss!” he whined and Phichit apologized with a chuckle, “Did you also tell him about that morning after the club?”

Phichit cocked his head to the side and Viktor raised a brow.

“What morning? Which club?” Phichit asked, all innocence and no jest.

Yuuri swallowed down a gasp, realizing he’d unearthed a secret that he could’ve taken with him to the grave. Phichit grabbed hold of his arm and shook it while begging to know what he was talking about, and Viktor stared at him with wicked curiosity burning in his eyes. As Yuuri tried to brush it off as nothing important nor worth mentioning, he wondered when it would be his week to hide in another country. It was well past time for his own vacation.


End file.
